December 2024 Newsletter
Intention, Attention, Reflection and Love
“I believe that there is a voice of love that is constantly available to all of us—and that it dwells within. I believe that love is our default setting. I believe that simple affection and a stance of unguarded friendliness is the natural state of a human toward herself: What would it be otherwise? We are the one person we will spend our entire lives with."
-Elizabeth Gilbert
Hello, everyone!
I hope that you’ve all been enjoying a beautiful and nourishing holiday season. It’s almost hard to believe that this is our last newsletter (and last day) of 2024!
With the winter solstice just past, we’re now in the heart of this season and its yin, cool, recharging and reflective energy. My hope is that within the high activity of the holidays that you’ve made time for your practices and quiet time with yourself. If not, perhaps the invitation of this newsletter to reflect with intention and attention will carry you into your own heartspace and that you'll gift yourself some time to quietly be with (and, ideally, appreciate) yourself. There are a couple invitations to journal weaved into this month’s newsletter, with writing offered as a way to help you reflect and anchor into intention, attention and self-love as we move into the new year.
Reflection
In our two online meditation classes this month (please join us if you’re interested in learning more about Buddhist psychology and want to deepen your mindfulness and meditation practices in heartfelt community), we spent time exploring what love wants us to know and how to deepen our intention and attention while strengthening our light—the lamp the Buddha advised us to find within ourselves— to help lessen hindering mind energies so that we may see more clearly.
We also revisited questions posed at the top of 2024 and spent reflective time journaling about what we’d like to leave in 2024 and what we’d like to bring forth, call in and cultivate in this new year.
We used the four questions that Forrest Hanson uses for his own new year reflections and resolutions. To hear him and his father Dr. Rick Hanson talk more about these, get the link to their January 2024 episode in this month's WATCH section.
If you haven’t yet spent time with these questions and/or want to dive a little deeper into this reflection, I encourage you to do so now, keeping in mind your intention and attention as you do so.
What am I letting go of as I move into this new year? What no longer serves me?
What do I want to bring into this next year from the year that’s ending?
What is working right now that I want to cultivate in this coming year?
Come January 2026, what would I like to celebrate that I cultivated in 2025??
Intention & Attention
The primary intent of Buddhist psychology is to live within a framework that seeks to reduce suffering for all beings, living with awareness and an intent to choose actions meant to be of benefit for ourselves and others. This is why the Buddha pointed us toward intentional awareness, which requires our attention, and is at the very center of mindfulness.
In its most simple definition, mindfulness means to pay attention on purpose with a kind and interested awareness. We cultivate intentional attention—mindfulness—so that we may nurture a feeling of friendliness, kindness and curiosity AND strengthen our staying power to remain connected to whatever it is that NOW is calling on us to notice and be with.
Here’s a passage from American monk and author Ṭhānissaro Bhikkhu that uses a metaphor offered by the Buddha to help illustrate mindfulness as the intention to pay attention.
The Buddha’s metaphor is that we’re on a raft crossing a river. When you’re still in the middle of the river, don’t be too quick to let go of the raft or you’ll drown. Wait until you’ve gotten to the far shore. Then you let go.
But all the way across the river, from this shore to the far shore, it’s a matter of developing attention and intention. You let go of these activities only when you’ve perfected them. You’ve paid attention to things that really are important to pay attention to. You’ve acted on skillful intentions in light of what you’ve seen. And then, based on what you’ve seen, you try to fine-tune your intentions again. And again and again. As you work on developing these two qualities together, they can take you far.
Cultivating An ‘Inner Guidance’ Best Friend
Intentionality in this context invites us to remain in attention, consciously aware of the wholesome path—of our path—and the choices we are making. A gentle way to create and stay with the intentionality to make wholesome choices, which can get difficult, is to develop and nurture a part of you that serves as a best friend who is good at providing invitations and reminders. For instance, when anger, aversion, resentment or another facet of the hindrance of ill will arises, this part of you comes in to invite you to pause before reacting, ideally turning toward empathy.
This ‘best friend’ is born from a friendly place inside of you—the place in you that wants to feel good and peaceful, to feel calm and centered. It considers your whole self, offering suggestions designed to help you live with the most ease and joy possible. This best friend also helps you envision living as your highest, most authentic and loving self, imagining yourself being the person you want to be, the person who you inherently are.
We can become our intentions by paying attention to the moment-to-moment choices we make. We can be our own best friend and listen to that inner guidance. And, we can also imagine our aspirational version of ourselves, knowing that once we see and evoke it, we can become it.
For more in-depth information on intention and attention and the benefits of bringing intentional awareness (aka mindfulness) into your daily life, see this month’s READ section.
Dear Love, What Would You Have Me Know Today?
Most likely you know of Liz Gilbert, author of many books, most notably Eat Pray Love. What you might not know, and I didn’t until recently, is about her most recent passion project called Letters From Love. Found on Substack (you can subscribe to receive the full Substack version or just her free weekly newsletter, which is fantastic, here), Letters from Love is a healing practice that involves a two-way prayer that she’s used for decades in her own life and personal quest for healing and unconditional love.
While researching this, it was fun to learn that what Liz—and now tens of thousands of other people— are up to is a practice used in early AA, incorporated from the Oxford Group, regularly used by AA co-founder Bill Wilson and the first 100 members of AA who maintained sobriety throughout the rest of their lives. Although highly helpful for these initial members, when it came to offering it as a cornerstone of AA, it was considered “too spiritual” and was not included in the Big Book or other AA literature.
Yet, when Liz came across it 25 years ago, she began using it daily. Now in her quest to help others recover from the feelings of self-hatred that she sees as a rampant virus in our contemporary culture, Liz has inspired countless others to also begin writing their own Letters From Love, beginning a sort of love-based, self-help, healing movement. Here Liz shares a bit of her own experience…
My best tool against my distorted habit of self-hatred is to write myself daily letters from love. I have done this for nearly twenty-five years. This practice has carried me through a quarter of a century of challenges—through two marriages and two divorces, through losing the love of my life to cancer, to facing my own addictions and shortcomings. I have certainly had plenty of opportunities to pick up burdens of despair and shame. Through it all, I have managed to find (if only I listen openly and carefully enough) a compassionate voice within that I can tap into, when I need to hear words of love, compassion, and reassurance.
Liz also integrates Buddhist psychology into how she encourages the use of these love letters. She tells the often-heard story of Sharon Salzberg's interaction with the Dalai Lama in the 1990s when Sharon was talking with his Holiness about self-hatred. As the story goes, the Dalai Lama had a great deal of trouble understanding the term “self-hatred.”
He wanted to know, “Who is the person that you hate? Who is the enemy? Who is it that you are in conflict with?”
And Sharon kept reiterating, “Myself.”
When finally he grasped what Sharon and all these Westerners were getting at—that they were all at war against themselves, and that they all assumed this was a completely normal state of being—he was dismayed. He said, “I thought I had a very good acquaintance with the mind, but now I feel quite ignorant. I find this very, very strange.”
To get into the root of self-hatred, we begin with an understanding that self-doubt and ill-will (resentment, anger) are combined hindrance energies that form self-hatred. If you missed the newsletter series on the Five Hindrances, they’re all up on the blog now, beginning in July of 2024 with The Five Hindrances—How to Skillfully Work with Difficult Energies.
In order to begin to work with self-hatred and move into light and love, we may also remember that the Buddha’s last offerings to his followers was to “Be the light unto yourself.”
In that final teaching, the Buddha said, “Hold fast to Truth as a lamp; hold fast to the truth as a refuge. Look not for a refuge in anyone beside yourselves. And those, who shall be a lamp unto themselves, shall betake themselves to no external refuge, but holding fast to the Truth (the Dharma) as their lamp, and holding fast to the Truth (the Dharma) as their refuge, they shall reach the topmost height.”
I’d like to think that this ‘topmost height’ is the energy of self-love, knowing that when we truly love and are kind to ourselves, we are able to truly love and be kind to others—all with the intent to reduce suffering. Letters From Love is a beautiful way to cultivate this radiating light and radiating love that the Buddha points us to. Using Liz Gilbert’s interpretation of this practice, the invitation is to slow way down, perhaps beginning with prayer or meditation or just a few quiet breaths, and then take pen to paper, asking love what it wants you to know.
Dear Love, what would you have me know today? And then, let Love answer though YOU, as you are that loving energy, as you ARE love.
Please see this month’s PRACTICE section for more detail and Liz’s prompts.
Cat Tales…
What Eve Teaches Us About Intention, Attention, Consistency, Connection & Love...
Eve sets herself apart from her siblings by being ever watchful and attentive to my movements. I’ve noticed that she follows me around and stays in whatever room I’m in, and the minute I get up to leave, she jumps down from wherever she is perched and comes along. When I leave the house, it’s always Eve waiting by the door to first greet me when I return. She also looks for every opportunity to get in a few extra snuggles and pets when her brother and sister are not paying attention.
First thing in the morning, she’ll jump into the sink so that I’ll pet her right away. She rubs her body through my legs at breakfast and dinner time. Late at night, once the other cats are sleeping, she’ll come closer to me on the bed, careful to not rouse Max who, if awakened, will likely do something to get in the middle of us and push her away from me.
She is quiet and determined. She is intentional in her attention, ever aware of what she’s seeking to create.
And you know what? Her strategy—her intention, attention and mindfulness—really works for her! As I notice more and more how thoughtful, aware and consistent she is in what she’s doing, and how patient she is in her quest to have me connect with her, her needs are becoming increasingly met, fostering more love and connection between her and me, which is beneficial for us both! Furthermore, she now allows me to pick her up and pet her (the other two Russian Blues do not like to be picked up and cuddled, which is apparently a trait of this breed of cat). And, she wiggles her body next to mine when I’m reading or writing (like now) and purrs quietly and lovingly, reminding me that love is all around us. We just need to take the time to see it, to feel it, to love it.
During this most reflective and introspective time of the year, the invitation this month is to get clear on your intention(s)—what qualities and feelings do you want to infuse into your life and all of your relationships, including with yourself? Kindness, empathy, grace, vitality, presence? Peace, connection, affection, love?
Once you have that intention, much like we saw with dear Eve in her quiet determination, give your intention consistent, mindful attention, perhaps returning to it over and over each day, inviting in your inner guidance best friend to help you stay lovingly connected to that which you want to nurture and cultivate in this coming year.
I want to express my deepest appreciation and love to each of you.
Thank you for your presence—I’m so happy that you are here!
Wishing you all a wonderful start to 2025!
May you be filled with warmth and kindness.
May you be happy, healthy and safe.
May your heart know peace.
In kindness,
Karen
COMING IN 2025!
Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) Workshop
A Nurturing Exploration of Your Heart, Body & Mind
with Psychotherapist and Meditation Teacher Dr. Karen Walant
This 8-week Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) workshop is designed to help you tap into your heart, body and mind; learn how to really listen to your inner experience; and explore and utilize mindfulness tools to reduce suffering, better manage anxiety and depression, and experience greater ease and joy in life.
In a safe space with professional, compassionate support, you can begin to turn toward that which you have the tendency to avoid. You’ll learn specifically designed meditations and cognitive behavioral strategies, which we’ll practice over the course of the program, to help access inner wisdom and connect with and cultivate your inner nurturer. As you become friendly with your mind and kinder with your inner self, you’ll gain invaluable resources to navigate life’s inevitable challenges and become a trusted partner to your Self.
Integrating current developments in neuroplasticity with ancient wisdom, this workshop offers powerful mind-heart-body tools and techniques to break free from prolonged periods of suffering and turn your mind into a skilled ally that supports you in both long-term health and healing and managing the ups and downs of everyday life.
More information about the course can be found on the 8-Week MBCT Course page of my website.
For those interested in taking this class, enrollment is now open. Please contact me directly at kwalant@gmail.com for more information and pricing.
Practice...
Dear Love, What Would You Have Me Know Today?
The essence of this practice is to slow down and tap into a quiet mindfulness as you move into your heartspace, perhaps engaging in prayer, meditation or taking a few grounding breaths before connecting with what love wants you to know.
Writing Letters From Love is a two way interaction between you and the energy of love, which is ever present. While Love is its own energy, before you begin writing, you may also feel called to bring in God, Source, Spirit, the Universe, the Divine—whatever Higher Power you feel a loving connection with. As you tap into this spaciousness, the invitation is to allow an inner message to come through from the inherent compassionate wisdom—from love—that we all have within us, and that knows you so well. Love already knows of your struggles, hindrances, aspirations and dreams. Love knows of your wounding and insecurities. Love knows your gifts and your strengths. And, love knows what you need to hear to feel comforted, held and loved.
Allow yourself to write from this energy, without overthinking, without stopping to edit, without any need to make it sound ‘right.’
If words don’t flow easily initially, which they may or may not at first—remember that this is a practice and practice takes practice—you might imagine how a very loving, compassionate being or energy would speak to you. Bring in comforting, tender or playful terms of endearment and a sweetness that resonates with you, such as my darling, sweetheart, love muffin or beautiful child. Feel into how you would want to be addressed by a beloved.
Then listen and write. And listen and write more. Keep listening and writing until you know it’s time to stop, remebering that there is no right or wrong way to do this practice. Let whatever comes into your heart and mind move onto paper. If thoughts arise that you think are not from Love, write them down anyway, bracket them if you’d like, and then perhaps return again later, seeking Love’s answer.
You may be delightfully surprised by what Love wants you to know today, tomorrow, a month from now. The invitation is to return to this practice again and again—Liz has been writing these letters every morning for almost half of her adult life! Throughout this process—and you may want to follow Liz’s lead and perhaps decide to write yourself a Letter from Love everyday in January while laying a loving foundation for this new year—reflect on what Love has been sharing with you, using intention and attention to increase and strengthen your love lamp of self-love, and then bring more of your bright and beautiful light and love into the world.
I’ll leave you with Liz’s invitation into this work, and also highly suggest listening to Liz describe her experience and process with Letters From Love in this month’s LISTEN section.
This is not fancy writing, so don’t overthink it. Just write what you have always wished that somebody else would say to you. Give yourself reassurance, forgiveness, affection. You already know how to do this, because you have spoken to other people with loving kindness in your life: It is no different when addressing the self. Write the words that you would say to a beloved friend who was having a tough time—or even a stranger. Write the words that you have offered to other people you loved, who were suffering. Why would you not be entitled to the same grace and kindness? Are you different from everyone else? Are we all not equally in need of mercy and gentleness? We all want to practice universal human compassion, right? But universal human compassion that does not include you is not, by definition, universal. So put down the knife you’ve been holding to your throat, and pick up a pen.
Resources
Read...
The Issue at Hand: Mindfulness of Intentions. This Insight Meditation Center article asks us to mindfully investigate our intentions. And then to make choices that align with those intentions and bring benefit to ourselves and others. At the center of this is mindfulness, which "places us where choice is possible," and "the greater awareness of our intention, the greater freedom of choice." This article also offers insight to look at our intentions as seeds. Whether we experience suffering or happiness is dependant on what we feed our intentions through attention and the choices—intentional or unnoticed—that we make in every moment of every day.
Watch...
Get More From 2024: Your Blueprint for the Year Ahead. In this Being Well episode that first aired in January 2024, Rick and Forrest discuss different approaches to kicking off the new year, including how exploring the past year can help us thoughtfully plan for the future, as well as devise tactics that help us increase our ability to make changes and achieve new goals. They also bring depth and explanation to the four questions offered above in the Reflections section of this newsletter. I really love this episode that's designed to help each of us get perspective on where we've been to help inform where we are so we can set thoughtful intentions in the NOW.
Listen...
Elizabeth Gilbert On Her Most Important Daily Practice. In this We Can Do Hard Things episode Liz shares Letters from Love, her transformative and healing practice of writing two-way love letters, which she's been doing every morning for more than two decades. I highly recommend this episode to anyone interested in the practice. Liz provides insight into the intent of these letters—to connect with the wisest and kindest version of ourselves—and guidance on how to approach this healing exercise. Connection with Higher Power, self-abandonment, self-love and acceptance are also discussed, making this a thoughtful, insightful and beautifully directive way to begin this new year.
In case you’re unaware and interested, I offer an online, donation-based meditation class/guided practice every other Monday night 8-9pm EST in a relaxed and warm setting on Zoom. The only requirement is an interest in increasing mindful awareness and skills through practice and growing your inner wisdom. If you’re interested in beginning, reconnecting with or deepening your meditation practice in community, we’d love for you to join us! Get more details and register here.
Also, if you know of anyone interested in deepening their mindfulness and meditation practices, please forward this email along and invite them to join as well! All are welcome and can sign up for the newsletter on my website.
Dr. Karen Walant has been a practicing psychotherapist for almost three decades and holds a MSW and PhD in Clinical Social Work from New York University. Karen supervises other clinicians in private practice and has given lectures around the country on issues related to attachment, mindfulness, meditation, addiction and recovery, deepening the therapeutic relationship, parenting with kindness, and fostering compassionate relationships. She is the author of Creating the Capacity for Attachment: Treating Addictions and the Alienated Self. A long-time meditator and teacher, Karen is a 2021 graduate of the 2-year Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Training Program (taught by meditation experts Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield), is certified as a Mindfulness Meditation Mentor, and is certified as a Level I Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) Teacher through Brown University, and completed her Certificate in Mindfulness and Psychotherapy from the Institute for Mindfulness and Psychotherapy in 2022.